Alpha 2010 Quotes

deathmarch:
One, it's late at night, two, it's college, three, it's organic fucking chemistry.--Allison

Demon... write my storieeee....--Allison

My story is titled ‘Working Title is Working’. - Allison

In the morning, the after-sleep morning, I will drink coffee and then make sense at you. - Julie

I’ve turned into a useless pile of uselessness. - Maddy


Uncategorized:
Actually, I've had multiple tampon dogs.--Mari

That's 'cause you're not male.--DBK

Do you like hackers? All people should.--Sarah W

Cassie is violent but DBK is wrong.--Evil Rachel

I am not a zombie duck scenting human bread.--Evil Rachel

I was playing with my face.--Rose, at breakfast Friday

"Non-verbal communication with a knife?"--Thomas

"My toilet is possessed."--Tina


"Oh, you're DBK, everybody knows that. Wait, what does DBK stand for anyway? Donkey Kong?" --Cate

"Your internet friends can't help you now!" --John Wheeler

"I feel that Alpha has not yet coalesced enough for my cleavage."--Cassie

"Jesus is a baritone, dammit!"~Cassie

"People break into work all the time. It's only defended by . . . defence . . . and barbed wire."--Allison

"I have such a thing for old lady bums." --Evil Rachel

“You’re going to enjoy the con a lot more if you’re somewhat alive during it.” - John Wheeler

On the board while DBK was talking about Confluence: "somebody buy DBK’s stuff! (so he feels better)" - John Wheeler


Science:
"Our manager got wind of this bet and hid karate frog, so that she would not die of karate frog poisoning." --Allison

"Carl is eating his manpain!" --Allison


"Nobody wants to sound like a sheep in Barnes and Noble!" --Cassie

"Without coffee, nothing!" --Mike Arnzen

"Voyeurism is a natural instinct!" --Mike Arnzen

"I heard biology words being misused. They cried out in pain." --Evil Rachel

Maddy: That doesn’t make sense because you don’t just drop a chromosome when you hit puberty and become a werewolf.

“You can’t put in DNA and splash it on a thing and say, now, you are that thing! Because if you ate a steak, which has cow DNA in it, then you would be a cow.” - Allison

“Physicists are all laughing at us. ‘This is a quark’. ‘That sounds fun.' ‘No, it’s strange.'" - Allison

How could you put a vagina on a unicorn’s head? - Julie



Evil:
"You can fill the new beer pong cup with anything? Oooh, salsa!"
"Lighter fluid! Mine's meaner! 30% more mean!"
"And 3% more incarcerated!" --Karina, Thomas, Karina

"In the battle of wits I drink salsa, but not in real life!" -- Allison

"It all makes sense now! You're brain-damaged!" --Allison, to Evil Rachel

"Go blow an ent." --Evelyn W

"Calm down, tiny dictator." --Allison, to Evil Rachel

"Every time i say anything, you make that face--like you're surprised that I can string sentences together."--Jackie

"I sympathize with your pen distress!"
"I sympathize with yours."
"I'm struggling really hard not to make penis jokes right now."
--Evil Rachel, Cassie, Evil Rachel

I just got flipped off with a cookie. - John Wheeler

Like Alice in Wonderland, but with mutilation. - Maddy

“Scary clown is kinda redundant, isn’t it?” - DBK


“For the stalkers in the audience, where are you going to be next?” - Diane


Critiquing:
"Maybe you shouldn't include those Freudian metaphors and...psychosexual thrusting." --Evelyn W


Lecture:
"You're going to be releasing yourself all over the place! Like a dog with a bladder infection!" --Mike Arnzen

"Tim Zahn is a darling." --Evil Rachel

"And given the high concentration of 'alpha alpha alpha' in my notes, I slightly resent your reading them to find that quote!" --Evil Rachel to Maddy, retroactively

"Crowcrowcrow idiot sloth eyeballs?" --Yumi, suggesting a lecture title to Evil Rachel

"I like bowels, attached or disattached." --Mike Arnzen

"Are you implying that Queen Victoria was not a werewolf pirate?" --Evil Rachel

DBK: Suspense is knowing everything but one thing. What do you think that thing is?
John: What’s going to happen next.
DBK: Have you heard this lecture before?


"It's the Necromancer Baboon Bannana Puma Thing story with magical bears and a spaceship. Wait, no, two spaceships! And one is a time traveling spaceship!"--Evil Rachel

"We are scientists as readers, and if we don't know the answer we will hit it with a stick, which is not exactly healthy for a story."--Evil Rachel

“I’m not putting TV Tropes up there because I have a feeling that if I do, I’ll still be writing in two hours.” - Cassie

Dead white people. That’s always a good thing to have in a discussion. - Cate

Some of this is just absurd, like the sensitive nostrils. - DBK

“I don’t know about you, but it’s only about one day a week that God comes down and solves my problems for me.” - Thomas

“This is my lecture. You will all pay attention, or death will happen.” - Evil Rachel


“We are not interested in reading the 7-year-old pony achievement story.” - Evil Rachel

“DBK… we believe that he will stab people.” - Evil Rachel

You have a manly man hero in a manly man story and he’s chained to the wall in manly chains. Of course, it’s nice to know that your villain is really into bondage and hitting people with whips… - Evil Rachel

There are five books in the trilogy which by the way is a nomenclature I have serious problems with. - Evil Rachel

“‘What big ears you have! This is weird, but not weird enough to figure it out!’” - Holly Black

(on reading Lovecraft) “You’ve only seen the tip of the very sick mountain of madness.” - Mike Arnzen

“I like bowels attached or disemboweled.” - Mike Arnzen

"That’s the last butterfly thing I will ever say to you. I don’t know, maybe we’ll pull some wings off it." - Mike Arnzen

“I’m tired now, must be the end, they all died.” - Mike Arnzen

“I haven’t eaten brains, but by God, that writer really put it in a nutshell.” - Mike Arnzen

“Sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, and seeing dead people. Those are the six senses.” - Mike Arnzen


“You think it’s going to go one… two… three. Instead it goes one… two… blaaargh!” - Mike Arnzen

“I became 1 out of 10 who scraped by, which makes your parents turn green because they want you to live in something that isn’t a cardboard box.” - Tamora Pierce

“Numair turns this guy into a tree, and he says on the other side of the world a tree just became a man, and I’ve been worried about this guy for 8 years!” - Tamora Pierce

“Tim, my husband, also known as the spouse creature..." - Tamora Pierce

“He played an incredibly hammy lizard man… I nearly drove off the road when he started emoting, I was laughing so hard.” - Tamora Pierce

“I showed him my vocabulary of international obscene gestures.” - Tamora Pierce

“That’s the scene my husband refers to as villain tartare, where Sandy just pulls the net and the villains go pshhht.” - Tamora Pierce

“Don’t waste time kicking yourself in the pants, which leaves foot marks on your pants.” - Tamora Pierce

“As Tim phrased it, ‘The Person Who Rides Like Another Person’.” - Tamora Pierce

“What is the cost to the user? Sometimes they blow up, which is always amusing.” - Tamora Pierce on magic

“That’s a technical term, only writers can use it. Un-nice.” - Timothy Zahn


(on Jayne, hero of Canton) “He’s not really a villain. He’s a giant Saint Bernard with a gun.” - Timothy Zahn

(on a character getting shot) “Where?” “Downtown.” “I think she means physically.” “And I thought she was answering me.” - Holly Black, ?


Writing:
"Rude hand gesture!" --Allison

"I want John Joseph Adams to want me enough!"--Evil Rachel


"Fortinbras is my co-pilot."--Evil Rachel

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your SQUARE HEAD."--DBK


Jackie to Sarah H.: In my story, my insects would eat your dragons.

Sarah W.: Yeah, but it’s in first person. People’s minds are weird. Your mind is weird. My mind is weird. I, for example, gave you opium.

Evelyn W: (when asked what she likes about her genre) I like immoral, shitty bastards in fantastical situations.

John: By the way, said Fred, Ababa and I live in an interracial village.

"I don't want to write about cyberpunk frogs, I want to write about Little Red Gay Riding Hood."--Mari

(on Cassie) When she was a kid, a twist ending killed her uncle, so she’s hated them ever since. - John Wheeler

“What are you going to think if you’re modeling your society on hive mind internet frogs?” - Evil Rachel

“At first it was all elves sitting around experiencing ennui and drinking cups of coffee." - Holly Black

Put a title on it. It can be Frogpocalypse for all I care. - John Schmid


The Act of Quotation:
"Nobody say anything funny until the pencil's sharpened!" --Maddy

"Are you trying to seduce her by wiggling your face?" --Allison (to Evil Rachel and Sinead)


uncategorized:
"Your having a face is impeding my reading habit!" --Evil Rachel

Mari: "Why is there a lettuce on the chair?"
Maddy: "Because Jackie threw it at me."

"The question is, do I read anything and not think 'Cthulu tentacle porn'?" --John Wheeler

Jackie: So, you know how your parents told you about the birds and the bees? Well, at Alpha we have the phoenixes and the giant insects.

Cate to Evil Rachel: I'm not used to you hitting on me!

Evil Rachel: What is the geekiest question you can think of?
Cate: I think it would be in that code with the ones and zeroes.
Sarah H: Binary?
Cate: YES!
Evil Rachel: You just failed a basic geek test.


Icebreakers:
"My dad is a cow reproduction expert." - Allison


Head-petting:
"They logicked me into it!" - Tamora Pierce, upon petting Thomas's head.


Madness:
"NOOOO JULIE NOOOOOOO!"

"Get your Vulcan jazz hands out of my face." --Thomas

"It's sort of like the man your man could smell like but with blades sticking out of him."--Cassie

"I got hit by frisbee shrapnel!"
"No, actually that was a raisin."
--Cassie then Karina

"Fuck yeah, Raisins!"--Karina

John: We’re psychoanalyzing Cate. So far we’ve determined that she’s black.

Yumi: Your face is insert epithet here.

"Its got the orange and the blue and the fuzzy and the random floating baby."--Allison, describing an audio book cover.

“They’re kind of limited in the feedback that you can provide. They’re also limited in that Mike Arnzen is a woman.” - Thomas on feedback forms

“If I saw a woman in my bedroom growing out of mushrooms, I would run the fuck away.” - Thomas

"I'll take anyone on while I'm drunk.  I'm like Popeye, except with beer instead of spinach." - DBK


We’re not gonna call it Octopus in a Coffee Shop because that would be ridiculous. - Holly Black

(on fruit juice concentrates) Embalmagranate… slaughtermelon. - Mike Arnzen

As I Lay Resurrecting. Clone King Richard the 30th. A Morgue of One’s Own. Actually, these are just things I posted to twitter. It’s ok, I know there’s only so much of this crap you can handle. - Mike Arnzen

There’s a whole line of Anne Geddes stuff, dead babies in moth costumes... Don’t you want to just scoop into that and eat the baby guts? - Mike Arnzen

(on the Energizer bunny) It has Jesus-like power. My entire life on earth, I’ve seen this thing on TV. - Mike Arnzen


Alphan Innuendo:
Cate: I have this urge to touch your power button.
Jackie: Turn me on, Cate.


John: That’s like the worst out of context excuse ever. I swear I thought it was a milkshake.

DBK: Just for the record, I have no problem with lesbians coming out of nowhere.

(on Twilight) You want sex with a cold thing? Get a sex toy, not a dead person. - Maddy



Quote Rankings
NameScore
Evil Rachel
22
Mike Arnzen
15
Allison
15
John Wheeler
10
Tamora Pierce
10
DBK
7
Cassie
7
Maddy
6
Thomas
6
Cate
5
Jackie
4
Holly Black
4
Mari
3
Evelyn W
3
Karina
3
Yumi
2
Timothy Zahn
2
Sarah W
2
Julie
2
John Schmid
1
Rose
1
Tina
1
Sarah H
1
Diane
1

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